I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
