??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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