There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
