All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just had sex on a roof
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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