I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
