just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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