I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
