those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
