Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
