He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
