pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
