I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
