I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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