yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
i out mim tonsoeep
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