I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
