So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
