does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
