Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
This baby is an asshole
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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