I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
