I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
