Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
