just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I came so hard my ears popped.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
