so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
