I bet he comes in French.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
