I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
