IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
