Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
