I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
