I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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