At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Well I just put wine in my tea
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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