she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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