Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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