She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize