HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
