I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Randomize
