She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
