So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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