just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
