worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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