I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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