I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
