Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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