I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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