I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
