I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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