the new term for farting is butt boxing.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
