i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
A bitchslap is in order.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize