I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
