She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
