I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
