ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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