How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
