the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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