bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Randomize
