I need help removing her.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
