I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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