I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
