I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
