she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
