remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
