i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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