yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
