yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
