i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you didnt know i had herpes?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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