In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Can you bring me the toilet please
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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