I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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