it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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