how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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