are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
