So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
