those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Randomize
