So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
i need some magic done to my vagina
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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