before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
