don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
