New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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