There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
