What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
