the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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