i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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