she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
