is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
