Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
